You Are A Victim!
You are a victim of self-sabotage!
Twin brothers of an alcoholic father are interviewed about their adulthood. One brother is a drug addict and can’t hold down a job, and the other is a successful lawyer who was the youngest ever to make partner at his firm.
The addict brother was asked, “Why do you think you are the person you are today?”.
The addict brother answered, “Because my Dad was an alcoholic and he beat me every day of my life.”
The lawyer brother was asked the same question and responded, “Because my Dad was an alcoholic and he beat me every day of my life.”
You are only a victim of life’s experiences if you choose to be.
In this week’s piece, we’ll cover….
- The Psychology of Money
- Leveraging uncommon interests to building relationships
- And the never-ending quest for more time.
When I was growing up my parents wouldn’t buy me Jordan shoes. Don’t get me wrong…I had a great childhood! I was provided anything I ever needed and in some cases more. EXCEPT, I “NEEDED” a pair of Michael Jordan’s and I never got a pair. Now that I am an adult, I am fixated on the shoes of my youth. If a retro pair of Jordan 11’s, 12’s, or 13’s are released….I take a long hard look and in some cases I buy them. In most cases, I don’t. But I’ve looked specifically at that behavior, and I understand where it comes from and now I can better control it.
Do you have a thing for nice cars because your Dad growing up always pointed them out to you and lamented not being able to afford one? Do you go shopping as therapy because that’s what your Mom did when she was stressed out? Do you immediately have a negative thought about a person because they own a luxury brand car or item of clothing? Do you look down on poor people as not hard working? Do you look down on rich people because they are spoiled and greedy?
Ever thought about “Why” you have these gut reactions or feelings?
It’s interesting how our upbringing affects our views on money. The psychology of money has been a huge interest of mine. I strongly believe that people do not realize they are self-sabotaging their potential because of how they psychologically view money. I think it probably warrants a longer piece at some point, but for now, we’ll leave it to the action…
**Action: Take a few moments and think about how your childhood experiences have affected your view of money. And how that view may be limiting your ability to dream of a life that is even better than the one you already have?**
In business, in friendships, in life….to have a meaningful impact, you HAVE to work on having incredible relationships. One way to deepen or create a new relationship with someone is to quickly discover and leverage uncommon interests. An uncommon interest would be something that you share “in common” with someone that isn’t necessarily common across the board. Are you both from big families? Did you grow up in the same part of the country? What college did you both attend? Do you both currently live in the same suburb or town? Maybe you both have kids in elementary school? Or maybe you share a hobby (golf, reading, love of football, etc.)?
The key is that you have to learn to be better at asking questions to discover these uncommon interests. So this week’s action for Relationship Building is…
**Action: Think about your regular interactions with people this week. Be intentional in increasing the percentage of time that you ask personal questions to see if you can uncover some uncommon interests that you have in common with someone.**
I’m often asked how I manage to run True North Realty and Leverage Information Technologies while having a family with 4 children. So I thought I’d share some tactics I use. Hopefully, they can help you….
- I run my calendar, my calendar does not run me. Part 1. I use a tactic called “time blocking” to make sure that I am prioritizing my family first. Meaning from 5 to 7pm, 7 days a week I am making sure that I am eating dinner with my family and helping to put the kids to bed. I protect this time pretty successfully. I would say I have a 95% success rate.
- I run my calendar, my calendar does not run me. Part 2. I am aggressive with others in scheduling. If I have to meet with anyone for any reason, I tend to give them two choices that work for me and ask which one works best for them. So instead of just saying to them, “When would you like to meet?” and then completely having them run my schedule, I’ll say instead…”I am so excited to meet with you! Would Thursday at 4pm or Friday at 1pm work better for you?” I’m in control!!!
- I start early. Here’s my typical schedule. Some days I am up at 4am to workout because my goal each day is to begin working at 7am. Starting at 7am, I work on the highest priority items across the businesses until about 4:30pm. I do my previously mentioned family routine, and then I’ll sometimes work on email and other odds and ends before bed. I try to be in bed by 10pm.
- Ritual habits. I wear more or less the same thing every day. I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch nearly every day. You would be surprised at how much time you waste thinking about these types of things.
- My wife is amazing. She does a lot of the heavy lifting at home. She’s a saint. I couldn’t do what I do without her. In addition to her general “awesomeness”, she helps keep a family calendar using Google Calendar up to date, all my daily activities along with the family’s show up there. It makes scheduling and deconflicting activities so much easier.
- Lastly, we’ve made some strategic choices that I think have made time management a lot easier for us:
- We live close to where I work. I don’t have a commute, I have a drive across town.
- We do NOT overschedule the kids. Example: This spring NONE of the kids will play sports, they’ll play outside instead. And when they do play sports it’s geographically close to home.
- Additionally, as a general rule, we do NOT sign up for weekly or monthly activities that are geographically far away from our home.
**Action: Take a long look at the things you do often. Is there a way to be more efficient at them? It may take some sacrifice (smaller house, fewer sports/activities for your kids, etc.). The trade-off just might be a more successful business and a less stressed out household.**
Hope to hear from you soon!